Fantasizing About Someone Other Than Your Partner – Is it Healthy?
Recently a friend of mine messaged me that he had a dream about having sex with a girl who was not his wife. He was shocked and happy at the same time, which was confusing him. He confided in me and asked whether fantasizing in your sub-conscience about someone else was actually cheating or just an indication that you need a better sex routine with your partner.
I told him that it was not wrong to dream about someone else, after all we evolved from animals and animals don’t have boundaries when it comes to banging another animal (even though we try to humanize animals with marriages and family drama in movies). If our ancestors didn’t think it was wrong to be committed to 1 person then who are we as their descendants to question their intelligence. In fact I personally feel that it’s a cardinal sin to meet someone attractive and not have physical desires towards that person even if you are married or committed. Imagine how many years Ronaldo spent in shaping his body, would it be fair for girls to not fantasize about him? It’s like all his hard work would be wasted if girls don’t go gaga over his toned body (even if it helps him play amazing football but girls don’t care about goals, right).
Now coming back to the point of my friend, although I told him it was not cheating but it got me thinking, why do we have this deep-buried-hidden desire of lust for someone who we cannot sleep with? Why that thought sometimes arouses us more than the pleasure you get from your loyal / committed partner?
Recently, I watched the sci-fi series “black mirror”. There was this one episode titled “striking vipers” that was based on AI gaming and alternate virtual lives. Its about 2 college buddies who meet after many years and get hooked on a virtual game where you can take on any role you want. One guy decides to be a hot girl and the other one stays a man. Both of them instinctively start feeling sexual attraction and they become love partners in virtual reality. They start playing every night that ends up affecting their real lives. Eventually one friend confides in his wife and tells her everything. He still loves his wife a lot but monotonous life was taking a toll on him. So they decide to make 1 night each month where they won’t be married and he can go and have sex virtually while she goes and flirts with men in a bar. For the remaining 29 days they go back to being regular couple with a stronger marital bond.
I have seen so many marriages fail because either of them decides to cheat on the partner because of the routine, dullness and boredom. What if every once in a while there was a cheat day when you could be single and do whatever you want to do – no questions asked. A little freedom, little fantasy and little fun could actually be what a boring – routine marriage needs to survive for a long time. In fact by fooling around once in a while, you might actually appreciate what you already have more.