What Is Desire
Last night I accidently played a romantic Chinese series on Netflix. Two episodes down and I saw myself binge watching it for the whole night. Trust me it was not a series worth doing binge watching (I’m more of a sci-fi-action-thriller girl) but I ended up doing it anyways, reasons for which I will tell you in sometime, let me first summarize the story.
So, it is a typical rich man – poor girl story where the rich man falls in love with the simplicity of the poor girl, lures her indirectly by making her life miserable and leaving her no choice but to marry the rich man to save her own life. Very cliché and very predictable. Throughout the story, the rich man keeps on flirting with the girl, showing his bare-perfectly toned body and throwing around his strong male dominance to prove that he is the true savior for the pretty damsel in distress.
What hooked me to the story was not the romance but the fact that how we watch these romantic movies / series and think that true love means showing you are the man and rescuing the woman all the time with your man-power. There is nothing wrong in that, I mean girls are supposed to be weak, fragile species who crave for someone to rescue them all the time.
After watching all of the 20 episodes, I felt a deep hollow in my heart. Was it the cheesy romance that the couple showed or the fact that without doing much effort the girl ends up landing in a mansion with a handsome husband? I was not sure and the thought kept me awake the whole time. If a guy was watching the same series, what would have been his thought. Would he just masturbate at the romantic scenes and be done with it or he also would have longed to become a macho man and dominate a girl?
I kept thinking and looking at my husband who was deep in his sleep. In morning I asked him that what does he desire the most, clothes ripping – top of the voice screaming sex or just a simple plain routine everyday without an element of surprise. His obvious reaction was – “I haven’t thought about it”. I asked myself the same thing, is it that I got hooked to the series because I felt the need for cheesy romance in my life like when I’m cooking and he comes from behind, hugs me and starts chopping with me or is it the fact that I’m somewhere deep down waiting to be rescued?
I have no complaints from my marriage beside the fact that we both have different hobbies so we cannot really discuss much apart from our work and kid. So why I felt the hollow, why did I have a sudden craving?
After many days, a thought suddenly came to my mind, it was not the craving of cheesy romance or passionate sex, it was craving of someone considering me as a precious object without which life is just impossible. Something similar to the way you feel for a mobile phone. Imagine walking out of the house without your phone, remembering half way to office that you have forgotten and driving back phone – just for a gadget because let’s be honest in today’s time life without phone is like life without breathing. I was craving for a similar feeling, if my husband misses to kiss me good-bye and leaves, he should come back just to kiss me because kissing me is something that he cannot live without.
Sometimes in a marriage we start fantasizing about other people, we dream of even having sex with others and some people end up having affairs. I feel this is not because there is no spark in marriage, sex is poor or that the other person is bad. It happens because marriage is a buzz kill, once you have got the person you wanted, it kinds of loses the charm.
I’m sure it’s just not me but almost every other person would feel the same. It’s just not with girls, even men want to feel possessed by someone, someone who would give them importance not by baby sitting them all the time but by treating them as their shining knight in times of distress.
Just think about it, when you buy a brand new iPhone – X, you protect it like your life depends on it, but when you get married you give the opposite treatment to your partner. I suppose lots of marriages will be saved when you start treating your partners like mobile phones – Touching them all the time (obviously not inappropriately but in an endearing manner to show they belong to you), reaching for it as soon as you open your eyes in morning or before you go to bed in night, continuously charging them up so the energy doesn’t go down, always checking throughout the day to make sure everything is ok and lastly remember to protect them (like screen-guard and back covers) so that the falls of life doesn’t break their soul.