if ( is_singular() ) wp_enqueue_script( ‘comment-reply’ ); May 2012 Archives » Confused Forever

Archive for May, 2012

18
May

Are You Frustrated in Life Too?

I still have a picture of the day which seemed to me the happiest day of my life. I look at it every day to remind me of happiness and a hope that such a day will come again.

A friend of mine was worried about her future, didn’t know whether she will get a job or will her marriage work. She was desperate enough to do anything to make things better. Suddenly, the ad on TV mentioned about a Tarot reader who could predict your future and give solutions to problems. She started thinking, should she give it a try?

In office, I met a colleague who kept worrying about promotion and finding girls. He felt his looks were just not good enough. One day he looked at the ad about a spray that can enhance masculinity and possibly attract girls. He was thinking of placing the order for it.

My next door neighbor kept failing his exam repeatedly. He was so frustrated that he was on the verge of quitting college when his friend gave him his lucky pen which always got him high scores. My neighbor went to give the next exam with that pen hoping to pass this time. Nothing else according to him worked, maybe this will.

We all have one thing in common, we are frustrated with what life is offering us right now and we want to get better things. We are convinced that there are things out there somewhere that can make life better for us. We have tricks, prayers, rituals, amulets, and various other things to influence a situation. We feel the situation is out of our control and we somehow want to influence the outcomes by these tricks. In a nutshell, we are simply trying to live by in this frustrating world.

We all are full of questions: When will I get married? What does my future hold? Where is the truth? How will my day be? We are scared of the untold future, we cannot bear uncertainties and we feel beaten down by adverse forces of fate. In order to beat the future we appeal to whatever means possible to find some solace. If we read news, possibly everyday you will find mentions of numerous appeals from reading everyday horoscopes to human sacrifice in the name of God.

If I were to believe the fact that God in fact did create human life then why not let our future be handled by him. If something happens, maybe it was God’s way of dealing with us. The beauty of life is that it has everything for us in store, happiness, sorrows, success, failures, smiles and tears. When I was a kid, my mom always used to say, “don’t be sad today, coz after every bad day God has planned a good day for us”. If not by God, we still can make an attempt to make things better not by some tricks but by our deeds. If a job is frustrating, leave it and do something that pleases you. If you don’t think you have a happy marriage, then gather courage and talk to you partner. In life you have only two choices if you are frustrated, either you can quit or you can work in the right direction. Even God likes to help those who are worth helping. Who would want to bet on a lame horse?

If you feel that you are trapped in an endless hole of darkness and groping for a hint of light or you feel powerless to face the brutal assault on your life by the ruthless world, then let the fear and frustration go out of your heart and mind right now. They are the limitations that hold us back. We don’t need tricks or techniques to get our way, we all have what it takes to find our way – The Power to Be Ourselves!

09
May

Are Expectations Really Bad?

Nothing in life is permanent. We are born, we grow old and we die. Each second of our life is different from the rest of the seconds. I suppose the main reason for our suffering is this impermanence. We get attached to “stuff” so much that we cannot handle once it changes.

Similarly, we get attached to expectations and we feel the pain when the expectations are not met. As normal human beings we all are bonded to our expectations deeply. “I love him so much, there is no doubt our marriage won’t work!” But, we all are really bad at predicting things, be it good or bad, we just cannot predict what lies next for us. From my personal experience, I feel that 95% of the things that we worry about don’t happen and the things that we should be worrying about but we simply don’t think about end up happening. Since we are so bad at predicting, our expectations usually don’t match the reality and we end up in vicious cycle of love and hate.

Say for example we are going for a job interview and we are expecting to get the job, we would be relieved or disappointed depending on whether we get the job or not. If you think about it, if we expect not to get the job in the first place (which can happen with most of the pessimistic people), we would be utterly surprised if we end up getting the job. So whatever we expect, be it good or bad, we can end up being happy or unhappy depending on the outcome.

Even though we all know that expectation is the root cause of most of the miseries, still we cannot detach ourselves from expecting. We look at happy marriages and we expect our marriage to be happy. We look at a rewarding job and we expect our job to be the same. And why only about other people, we look at our own past and expect similar situations in future to have the same outcome.

I don’t think there is anything wrong in expecting, we are humans and we are expected to have expectations. But it is an entirely different thing to get attached with the expectations. When you start taking expectations too emotionally, that is when you start suffering.

It’s not easy to break the circle of right and wrong and to stop expecting. But in order to be happy in life, we all need to take a step back from our expectations. Stop tossing yourself in this circle of love and hate and stop judging things that happen around you. When you start living in the moment, you will eventually realize that life is not about getting right or wrong outcomes, things just happen differently every time and for everyone. Life is unpredictable, and that is what the beauty of life is. Savor this beauty and be prepared for everything, trust me you will be very happy for the rest of your life!

04
May

Internet and a Laptop, My Companion of Loneliness

When Adam was created, God knew that he would be lonely and he sent Eve to love him and give him company. God created us as social animals and didn’t want it’s creatures to be lonely. 

Since the time we are born, we are taught to give and receive affection. A lonely person is not accepted well in the society. Family, friends, co-workers, everyone around us give us a sense of belongingness and help us find a place in this mosaic of life. But when this association, this feeling of affection goes away, we feel sad, miserable and LONELY.

Often loneliness is caused by emotional or situational factors. In today’s virtual world, I would call loneliness to be the rise of Facebook and Twitter. People who are really lonely in life, find solace amidst thousands of virtual friends and followers.

If we are made by God to have companionship, then why do we end up isolating ourselves from others, or are isolate by others in our daily lives?

I do cherish few moments of solitude that I personally choose for myself, but I also know that long period of lonely time can make me feel depressed and pathetic. It can even make me irritant and crazy. It’s like a confined space where body and mind struggle with thoughts and no one to share them with. If I stay alone by myself for a very long period of time, I start to question the existence of my physical presence, how the world is and how the world stopped or changed when I withdrew myself into voluntary confinement. Sounds crazy, right? That is why I need social interaction, I need to have people around me with whom I can channelize my thoughts and understand the essence of life and in the process enjoy it. Besides, isn’t this what God wanted for us?

I remembered the times when I was in my college and going through a rough patch. I didn’t have a roommate and I was sort of living all by myself. I would go hours and sometimes days without any human contact. I would confine myself to my room and keep working on my laptop and think for hours. The result was not that pretty though, I ended up with depression and anxiety. The feeling of being disconnected from the world around me entrapped me so badly that I couldn’t move even though I had the freedom to go anywhere I wanted, meet anyone I wanted to and yet there I was sitting in my room alone with my laptop and a can of red bull.

Being lonely not only cuts us off from human contact, it also keeps us away from a very important element of our lives, curiosity and affirmation of others. We as human beings are born curious. We want to know everything around us, that is why we read newspapers and watch gossip channels. When we confine ourselves to solidarity, the feeling of knowing what’s going on or the feeling of getting affirmation is missing. When you dress up for a party, you want people to affirm you that you look great, without that there is probably no point in getting dressed. It gives me recall of a scene from the movie “A beautiful mind” in which John Nash asked a student to verify that there was a man standing beside him talking to him. Nash has schizophrenia which made him hallucinate and thus he relied on other people to assure him that what he was seeing was indeed reality or not. But if you think about it, we all are like that; we all practice this to a certain degree. We want people around us to confirm our own presence in the world. We want people to tell us that we are indeed alive and that life is not a hallucination.

The impact of what absolute confinement and loneliness has varies from people to people. I got thinking about people like Gautama, who left a rich life and family behind to travel alone in search of meaning of life. Loneliness helped him find what he was born to do. What loneliness does to a person is something which is unpredictable. You can be depressed or become a saint and preach the world. But whatever you do, always follow your heart and be happy about it.