Archive for December, 2012

25
Dec

Why Are You Still Angry?

“You are doing it again”, I told my friend last night while we were dining out with a bunch of college friends.

“Doing what?” she asked.

“Crib about past”, I told her. “You just keep iterating about your suffering and hurt in front of everyone whenever you meet him because you just cannot grow past it.”

She was dating a guy from our group and he broke her heart by having an affair. She never could come out of it and whenever we met, she would mention about that incident and how much she suffered. Initially it was ok, we empathized with her, but after sometime when it became a routine story, we just couldn’t take it anymore. I was her friend and I cared about her, so last night when she started, I interrupted her and asked her to stop. She realized that I was right.

Holding grudges is very common. We stop talking to our neighbours, friends, family members over disputes which have left a dent in our hearts. Years and years go by, the memories of what caused the argument fades but still we cannot grow big enough to forgive and let go of the grudge. Whenever we will get an opportunity, we will cry and crib about the past.

It’s hard to leave the past behind. Worst, thinking about it in present makes the bad memory stronger and stronger making it even impossible to forget and move on. Often we hold on to the grudges so tightly that it shapes the way we look at our present.

I met a couple who had been together for the past 15 years. They loved each other a lot but they also had their share of bumps. As time passed, the bumps became huge roadblocks and every argument they had ended up with a mention of those bad incidents. The grudges were so huge that smallest of the issues reminded them of the past and eventually widened the gap between their relationship. A constant reminder of the sufferings never let them move beyond the past.

Nearly each one of us has been hurt by the actions or words of someone. Perhaps your mother criticized your work, your colleague undermined you in front of the boss or your partner had an affair. The wounds such as these can leave you with deep rooted feelings of anger, bitterness and sometimes even vengeance.

I have met many people in my life who were terribly abused either in their childhood or young adulthood. Some of these people remained stuck in their anger and hurt. The anger was not just a mere grudge, but in some cases their lives revolved completely around how they were wronged and mistreated by others. They never could really come above it.

What happens to us in past is not something which we can change but we can overcome and get past the hurt. I personally feel that this is where forgiveness comes into picture. But when I asked my friend why she cannot just forget it, she simply rolled her eyes in dismay, “If I forget and forgive, it would mean that I’m accepting what happened to me was right and I would be considered as weak”. I assured her, “Forgiveness is not an act of cowards; in fact it takes a lot of courage to get past the anger and resentment”.

Forgiveness doesn’t come easy, you need to make a constant effort to overcome the negative feelings. The start could be by trying to see other person’s perspective or speaking to them openly about it. Sometimes a frank discussion or a sincere apology is what one needs for closure.

I once had a bad experience with one of my friends. We did not speak with each other for almost 10 years after that. One day out of blue, he sent me a friend request on Facebook. I immediately replied back, “Do you think this is some kind of a joke? If you tell me that how sorry you are for being a jerk and for hurting your feelings, then probably we can be friends again”. He replied back with a true heartfelt apology and it became easy to forgive him. We are now close friends and we often joke about the incident of past.

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward. The choice is yours!

16
Dec

Is God on Facebook?

We are all on Facebook and we are even addicted to it. But it was about time I put down this article out of sheer frustration watching my close friends and relatives turn into full-fledged religion spammers on Internet. It would have been ok if they were selling some products, but this time they are selling religion which in my opinion is simply Bull Shit. I’m talking about people on my friend list wasting my time posting photographs of God and verses from various holy books and trying to convince me to “Like” their status or comment coz if I didn’t share or like, I would be hit by God’s wrath.

And while I’m writing about Facebook here, this is true for all other social networking sites as well such as Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, etc.

I thought only common man was foolish enough to popularize their belief on God like this, but looks like the so-called religious leaders are also getting insecure these days. May ministries, priests, religious NGO’s and worship houses are regularly maintaining their Facebook pages and there are individuals like us who have established presence on religion-oriented sites. One such mockery of all this is that prayers and verses are being tweeted on Twitter in 140-character format. Imagine shortening the actual verses to fit into Tweet box, it’s ridiculous.

Some die-hard religious people could argue over this and say that these social media sites bring together like minded people and help in attracting new followers of religion. If this was the way to spread religion, then God would have made Facebook himself and religion wars would never have happened. The two sides could simply create their Facebook pages and one which had most fans would be the winner and everyone would follow him.

I’m not here to hurt anyone’s religious sentiments. All of my friends who like posting holy verses and images, I get it, you are all about God, but why do you have to bombard us with those posts on daily basis. How about simply practicing the religious values on your own and leave social media sites alone? GOD is not on Facebook, he is not reading your posts and he doesn’t know how much you are posting about him. Today I saw a post on my timeline, “I need 9,999,999 fans of “QURAN PAK” to prove our love to QURAN’s photo.” Is this what religion has come down to now? Share and Like and your love for God will be proved.

Please people open your eyes and just practice the religion by heart. No need for this social hype. God is super intelligent, he will not bless me coz I liked his photo nor will he ostracize me coz I didn’t share it with others. God is in our hearts, just keep them clean and you will find him.

One very interesting photo I came across on, if God was on Facebook. Check it out below.

facebook-god (1)

11
Dec

Sex, Pleasure, Lust and Rape

Today when I opened the newspaper, I was shocked. A 62 year old woman was raped. I always assumed that men lusted for young girls to satisfy their sexual desires and raped them in the process. But when I read about this poor old woman, I was left to thinking that why did men feel it right to rape a female?

Is rape purely defined by Lust?

If it was only about sex then a man can have sex with his wife, with hookers, or with his girlfriends. You don’t need to force yourself on a stranger for this. So why is the number of rape victims rising? This question made me think that it sure couldn’t be a crime of lust, but about violence and power. It is relates to the increasing violence in today’s world rather than just sex. I attribute this to the criminal population who is becoming bolder and more adventurous.

What impels a guy to rape?

Basic anger, ego and hostility towards women are a prime reason for this act, especially if there is a group of people.  Hence, you see an increase in number of gang rapes lately.

Most of the rapists are not typical criminals. They are just looking to take revenge or prove their male power. As they go ahead with the act they gather courage which is why women should fight and resist strongly. But usually women are terrorized at the start and simply accept the fact that they are being victimized. This encourages the assaulter more and he gathers more and more courage to finish his crime. That is why you would see that not all rape victims are murdered. As soon as his purpose is over he will simply walk away leaving the victim lying there. The laws are also so weak that either the assaulter is left on a bail or never even caught to be proven guilty.  This loophole in the legal system is also one of the reasons this crime is being committed so easily as they have no fear whatsoever. The worst part is that the guys don’t even feel guilty also which is the most saddening part.

What can you do as a woman to avoid being a victim?

Just by saying that there is nothing I can do, men are just lusting criminals is not going to help. You need to learn to see the warning signs. Resist the unwelcome advances and do not put yourself into situations that can turn dangerous. Walking alone on the road in dark, opening doors for strangers when you are alone, taking lift from someone who seems polite, handing over phone number and addresses to someone you just met at the airport, adding unknown people to your friend list on social networking sites, these are just some of the wise acts that you need to undertake for your own good.

One needs to become strong not only through training in self-defence but also emotionally. A lot of victims are a consequence of being emotionally weak and leaning to a stranger in times of loneliness.

We cannot change the mindset of men and have them to respect a woman’s body. Thus, it is the necessity for more and more women to start occupying places in occupations which were purely considered for men such as police forces, military, pilots, etc. Women in today’s world need to stand up to men and prove that we are not weak, submissive creatures which men can pounce upon anytime to satisfy their sexual aggression. With power comes the respect and when women will become powerful, men will no longer treat them as low level objects of use and throw.