Archive for September, 2011

29
Sep

Flirt and Be Flattered!

It is obvious that as human beings our brains are wired to invite courtship through playful body language, conversation, posturing and physiological gesturing. Flirting is a very common way to express our interest in someone and in most of the cases is harmless as well. Flirting on the edges seems to be a very natural way to go about talking to people whom you like since you are not going to sleep with everyone anyways to find out whether he/she is the right person or not.

When you are single, you have complete right to flirt with other single people and why not, that might be your only chance to find your true love. But what happens when you get flirty with other people or have people flirting with you when you are in a committed relationship?

You meet people everyday in your life, in school, at work, in restaurants and on streets who might find you attractive and would want to flirt with you. Sometimes you might even end up finding your closest friends to flirt with you calling you “darling” or “sexy” or appreciating your beauty all the time. You might even be flattered with all the attention and feel good about it, but you never know when this flirting would cross the lines and it might end up even blowing away your friendship forever.

All such unwanted flirting can make you uncomfortable especially if you are in a committed relation as flirting can bring with itself unwanted distractions that can even hurt your relation. Even though you want to stop the flirting, you might not have the courage to refuse it or make it stop in a polite way.

Whatever be the reasons for you to discourage unwanted flirting, you should employ subtle yet obvious ways and be smart enough to pull it off without being rude.

How Do You Discourage Unwanted Flirting?

Here are some ways that one can employ, even though I have not been able to use most of them in my personal life. Like most of the people, I too end up worrying how to stop the flirting with without sounding rude or hurting someone.

  • Respond Negatively

Whenever someone is flirting with you, they expect you to go along with it and respond in the same playful and positive spirit. The more you reciprocate with a gloomy or serious face, the stronger is the signal that you sent across indicating that you are not interested.

  • Ignore the Person

While this may be tough to implement especially if you find your friend flirting, still it is very important to ward off unwanted flirting. Don’t give time or attention and show the person that you are really busy to entertain such flirts.

  • Display Lack of Interest

Never give the attention the other person craves for. Don’t let your actions, your eyes, your words show any warmth or positive radiance. If you have lack of confidence or you tend to be polite to other people, the flirtatious person would try to manoeuvre it and use it to his/her advantage. Turn the other way and show disinterest.

  • Show Confusion to Every Flirtatious Move

When you see the person smiling at you for no reason, pretend to be confused and throw in a bewildered look as if you didn’t understand why he/she is smiling. Now, no one is foolish enough not to understand flirting, but if you maintain pretending you are confused, eventually the person would get tired and stop doing it.

  • Do Not Play Along Just for Fun

Do not mislead yourself to play along with the flirting thinking that you are confident enough to stop it anytime. You might go way ahead and end up hurting someone’s feelings as you were just having fun. If you do end up falling in the trap and start to play along even if it is as simple as being nice or smiling when you see that person, compose yourself and stop it before it gets too late.

  • Talk About your Partner

If you are in a relationship, then better to keep talking about your partner all the time and how romantically you are in love with him. Once the person understands how happy you are in your existing relation, the flirting would stop.

  • Do Not Flatter

Flattery is the most common flirting technique and your doing so might give wrong impressions. Even when you appreciate that person in a simple honest way, it can be interpreted in a wrong way and do damage.

Flirting is harmless until the boundaries are not crossed. But always remember, if you are not strong and do not have the courage to stop someone, it might hurt your committed relationship badly. Just be committed to your partner and tell the world that you are not available.

17
Sep

Am I In Love?

Attraction, Lust, Idolization, Attachment, Bonding, these are the different stages of a relation. But when does true love come into existence? Psychologists have shown it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone. With an irresistible cocktail of chemicals, our brain entices our heart to fall in love.

But some or the other time, our heart asks our brain, “Am I in love?”

I thought this is one question which almost everyone asks themselves. So why not list down answers to this question, “Am I in Love?” – YOU ARE IN LOVE:

  • When you can’t stay away from him/her for more than a second and when you have a bad day as soon as you see their face you forget what was wrong and your heart skips a beat when they’re around.
  • When you stare at them in class or office, you just cannot take your eyes off them.
  • You daydream a lot. If you are in a bus, or in a meeting, or studying, all you can think about is your boyfriend/girlfriend. You also fantasize about them and dream about things you would do together.
  • Every time you depart, your heart aches and you miss his/her voice, smile and presence.
  • If another guy/girl flirts with you and you proudly say to them, “I have a boyfriend”.
  • When you look into your lover’s eyes and you just keep staring, you just know really, deep down that he/she is the one, because you’d do anything in the world to make that person feel happy and special, and couldn’t imagine your life without them.
  • When you are lay in their arms, you just you forget about the world and all the worries and pains.
  • You feel shy and get nervous in front of them.
  • You are never mad even if he/she gets frustrated or shouts at you.
  • Even if you see your love every day at work or home, even if they sit right next to you, every time you turn around and you look at this person it feels like you’re seeing him/her for the first time, and that awesome feeling comes over you, and you just feel like the luckiest person in the world.
  • You look at that person and you just feel like you can do anything, you feel inspired to be a better person, like you’re the king of the world.
  • All the self doubts and issues disappear with just one look.
  • Everything you do, you do thinking about that special someone. You sleep every night with his/her thoughts. You wake up and that person comes to your mind. You count the minutes to talk to them and see them. You smile just by thinking about them. All you want to do is be with them even if you are just sitting and not doing anything.
  • The fights and disagreements do not make you stop loving them. It only strengthens the bonding.
  • When you know that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your whole life with, you won’t have a second glance at another man/woman, you trust them in anything and everything.
  • When everything is not about sex.
  • When the feeling you have about him/her is unconditional, you just know in your heart that this person is for you – not because they are perfect – coz even their imperfections attract you to them.
  • Your strength is their weakness and your weakness is their strength – and so you love complementing each other and making a great time in the race of life!
  • You accept them for everything that they are, he/she can walk into the room and everything else disappears, they are always on your mind and in your heart, you can’t imagine being with anyone else and even if separated for long periods of time you are never even remotely tempted to go to someone else.
  • You want to share everything that you love with that person and want him or her to share everything that they love with you. They become your world but you become a better individual because of that special person. If separated for long periods of time it’s not “out of sight out of mind” it is ‘ I can’t wait to see him/her again’ and it seems to last forever until you do. It is deep love and long-lasting love and can stand the test of time when nothing else does.

And lastly, if you are asking this question to yourself, you either doubt your feelings, in which case you aren’t truly in love, or you don’t know if the relationship will work out, which is an altogether different question, since being truly in love isn’t enough for a successful relationship, though it’s a good start, especially if by “you” you mean “both of you”.

08
Sep

Do Age Gaps Really Matter in a Relation?

If we all were asked one question, “would you be comfortable having a relationship with a significantly older companion?” I’m sure most of us would say, age doesn’t matter when love is there. But are these words too good to be true? 

The base of any successful relation according to me is compatibility. We all want someone who understands us, appreciates us, cares for us and loves us. Sometimes it gets very tough to find someone with whom you can really be compatible and when you find the right person, you definitely would want to hold on to them. But what happens when the love of your life is 10-15 years older or younger than you?

Recent trends have shown that most people end up with partners who are very close or of the same age to them. I would say around 2-3 years max of age gap is the norm. But then you would also see people who would say, to hell with the norm, I’m cool with partner of any age as long as we love each other.

The biggest examples of such people are the celebrities, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher with an age gap of 15 years, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones with a huge gap of 25 years and Jay-Z and Beyonce with 12 years in between. There are many more such couples and when you see their relation, you feel if they can be compatible, why can’t we.

But why are we sceptic with the age difference? Isn’t love the most important element?

Definitely love is the biggest driving force in any relationship. But like every relation, even the age gap relationships have their share of issues.

Maturity Gap and Difference in Expectations

One of the most common problems is the difference in the experiences of life. These experiences can be about any milestones in their life including career, travel, marriage, kids, and all of these are highly affected if one person in the relation has already “been there, done that”.

For e.g., if you are 20 year old and dating a 30 year old divorced partner with kids from previous marriage, you need to get things straight with your partner. It is possible that having already experienced a family life, he/she may not want to go ahead with you in a similar way. Hopes and dreams change for individuals especially for those who have already lived those hopes that you are dreaming now.

People in a wide age gap often come up with statements to justify their relationship. Older partners have more life experiences which younger partner can learn from and the younger partner can bring a new outlook and innovation in the relation. While this may be true in cases of short-term romances, but in the long run, the success of any wide age difference relation is very less. In future, the older partner might find the younger one too energetic and immature and would want to look out for someone their age and younger one might find their older partner too old and dull and might want to be with someone young.

Insecurity and Jealousy

Another problem that comes up is feelings of insecurity, jealousy and possessiveness. Partners who are older usually have the feeling of insecurity that their young lover would any day move on with someone of their own age leaving them alone. Even when they see their lover talking to someone younger, they would feel jealous.

But again, these flaws can happen in any other relationship as well, you just need to know how to deal with them and have full trust on your partner.

It is very important to judge an age gap relationship by the same standards as any other romantic relationship. Does the person make you happy? Do they treat you well? These are the issues that really matter.

Consider the relationship as a relationship first, and an age-gap partnership second – but with an awareness of the additional issues that an age gap may introduce into any relationship, including aging, different life goals, and social pressure.

But, there has to be lot more to a relationship than just the number of years you have been on the planet. If you have a lot in common, you can really click with each other and you can open up honestly and talk, then to hell with the age gap. Ignore everyone else and if you have found what you are looking for, then go for it because there is nothing better. Age is just a state of mind. True love has no boundaries.

Making a relation with a wide age gap work involves as much effort as any other relationship. The key is strong communication skills, dedication, honesty and lot of mutual effort. Someone who has been in a relation with a big age difference can only tell, “Love is not only blind, it can’t count numbers as well”. In matters of love, nothing else matters.