Going Beyond “The One”
Recently I read the book, “A Severed Head” by Iris Murdoch. The book is a complicated narrative of marriage, adultery and guilt. Not a single character from the book comes out as virtuous and righteous, at least not according to the norms of society that we so strongly abide by.
The story although will make you cringe and question the morality of all the characters but it also sheds lights on a very deep concept that we all sub-consciously think about but never discuss it out loud.
Polyamory – A concept that might be morally questionable and hugely subjected to criticism and judgement by many people but highly practical in today’s modern society. Polyamory means having multiple intimate partners at the same time. It’s not adultery because in polyamory, people have multiple relations with the consent of all the partners. Everyone knows about everyone, there is no jealously, there is just lots of emotions.
Is this that spice which we need to save a relationship?
People express their love in different ways and no relationship is same and probably that is why polyamory is what we need to be happy, reduce frustration and attain containment. The fundamental philosophy of polyamory is that sexual love shouldn’t be confined to the strictures of monogamy, but expressed freely and fully.
Because polyamorous relationships do not follow the mainstream societal construct of a relationship, “how it works” is often a topic of confusion for those who are bound by the laws of monogamous relationships. The best part of polyamory is the fact that all the partners have to be truly honest with each other, there is no cheating and you get to pick the partners who become part of your circle with mutual consent.
Is there something as “truly the one”?
Couple 1: We are so busy working in our separate offices that we barely have time to communicate with each other, but the sex is great!
Couple 2: We can have long-long hours of conversation but the sex is so routine.
Couple 3: While he brings in lots of money and I cook amazing food, we can keep each other happy with what we really like.
The elements that bind a couple could be one or many but I’m yet to meet a couple that is 100% satisfied with all the qualities of the partner.
Although polyamory is primarily focused on having multiple intimate partners, I would want to look at it as a way of having multiple emotional relationships that help you fill the missing void in your primary relation. For e.g. If your partner is boring but great in sex, then you need a good conversationalist third partner who can fill the gap.
The point is to have multiple relations where love, passion, emotion, comfort, romance, each elements acting as a driving force to connect with different partners. If you have read Archies comics while growing up, you would relate to what I’m trying to write. While Archies was attracted to looks and money of Veronica, he couldn’t stay immune to the warmth and intelligence of Betty. If only Betty and Veronica would accept each other as equal partners in Archie’s life, his life will be so simple and satisfying?
In today’s times, when we are always busy with our lives, always running behind things, we just don’t have time to commit fully to a relation and emotions / needs of the partner often get neglected. In such frustrating times, wouldn’t it be wonderful to have more people you can connect to and talk to without feeling the guilt of cheating?