“It is not you, it is me”, “I still love you but right now I just need to sort out my life”. These are some of the cliché breakup lines that most of us have heard in our lives at some point or the other. What is it about the breakup that makes your partner say all this while breaking up? Is it to make you feel good about the fact that he is breaking up with you or to relieve oneself from the guilt of breaking up and hurting someone. If someone really loved you, then why is there a need to breakup? All these questions leave you confused and baffled after you have been dumped and left alone on a pavement of life, wet with tears and vulnerable with the hurt.
Rejections are really hard, no matter which side of the breakup you are. The reality seems so bitter and painful that no matter how hard you try not to, you still end up harboring secret fantasies of getting back together or how on one rainy night, he will ring your door bell, kiss you with intense passion, make romantic love to you and come back into your life. Such happy endings usually happens in a romantic chick flick, but reality is tough and the sooner you let it sink in your brains, the better it is for you.
Initially it’s very tough but time is a big healer and after a while you realize that this chapter is over in your life and move on. Breaking up is very hard to do, but learning how to move on after the breakup is even harder.
My personal experience says that soon after the breakup, the best way is to create a distance between each other. Maybe one day the two of you can be friends again, but now is not the time. You would be vulnerable, and each glimpse of him will make you weak and give you tear soaked pillows. If needed even delete him from Facebook or Gtalk. No point in getting hurt again when you see his relation status change to “committed” again but this time not with you.
Also you need to skip the blame game altogether. While it’s very tempting to play the blame game after a breakup, it will not help you get over the person. It is human to blame the other person and never take responsibility for our actions that led to the breakup. After all every one of us thinks that we can never be wrong and we gave our best to this relation. While this may sound good in our own heads, but reality is far from it being true. It is very important for you to get the closure to be able to move on. Resist the urge to blame yourself, him or any third person for whatever went wrong in the relationship. I’m sure both of you would have tried hard, and both of you made mistakes. In a strong relation that becomes sour, it’s not anyone’s fault. To put in simple words, things just didn’t work out and it was probably not meant to work out. It’s better to accept the fact and part with good memories rather than guilt and anger.
A broken relationship does not mean that you are not entitled to true love. Connect with your inner self and do things just for yourself for a change. When you know who you are and what you want in life, true love will come automatically. Give yourself plenty of time before you commit into another relation coz the new relation will most probably be a rebound relation with a success rate of merely 1%. So, it’s better to be with friends, family instead of going on a hunt for a new boyfriend.
Do things to boost your self esteem and distract you from his thoughts. Get a new wardrobe, new hair style, or a spa treatment. Anything that makes you feel good about yourself and brings back your confidence. Pamper yourself as you probably ignored while trying to please him all the time.
No relationship is perfect, be it a boyfriend, a neighbour, or for that matter your parents. Disagreements and arguments happens all the time while trying to voice one’s opinions which can even lead to a name calling fiasco. Just make sure that your fighting style is fair and you eventually do not hurt anyone by your words. Remember arguments can make a relation stronger if done in a respectful manner, or can break a relation if resorted to unfair means where you need a referee to decide the winner.
Next time, don’t rush. Take your time to “Connect” with the person. A long lasting relation is based on the bonding, understanding and respect that comes for each other after the right “Connection”, with a Capital “C”.
If you are honest, a perfect guy/girl isn’t going to come along and sweep you away. You will find someone who makes you smile and you want to spend all your time with them. Isn’t that enough anyway? If you set the bar too high, you’ll just trip over it. Don’t make someone meet your expectations, instead go with whom you feel like always being with!