No Talking? Start Kissing!
No, this article is not about using your lips to kiss when they are unable to come up with words. It is a warning sign for couples who have forgotten to talk and are just filling the void by using lips to kiss.
We all know the drill. You meet someone, you fall in love and you have so much to talk about that people around you get fed up. And you start thinking that sharing lives together forever will give you more to talk about. But you are wrong. When it comes to conversation, after few days of courtship, couples tend to drift apart in terms of talking to each other. Despite the fact that unlike old times now we can stay connected 24/7, we still spend less time chatting.
That makes me question why? Personally I feel that lack of communication is a common issue for people in their 20’s and 30’s who are busy in their stressful work lives and find it difficult to cope up with work and home. When you come home tired from work, the last thing you want to do is talk. In today’s world lives are so busy that couples tend to forget to catch up with each other. You stop wishing “good morning”, you stop asking “how was your day?” or “how is your health?” Daily conversations take on a road of need based dialogues, you talk when you have some work. Worst is if you are in a long distance relationship, you don’t even know what to talk. You call, talk about the day and then follows a long uncomfortable pause where either of you doesn’t speak anything until eventually one person hangs the phone. Communication is a key that unlocks the gates of a successful long terms relationship and when the conversation stops, you tend to lose the emotional connection.
I started wondering what is it that changes between two people who cannot seem to get enough time to finish their talks suddenly get into a stage where there is nothing left to talk. I recently met a couple who was experiencing the phase of silent treatment in their marriage. They met when they were working together. They used to spend endless hours talking about their projects, ambitions and career dreams. Once they got married and the girl relocated, she had to leave her job. The guy got a promotion and started working more and more. After two years of marriage, she realized that it was work that had bonded them in the first place. Once the work was not a topic to be discussed, they had a huge gap and nothing else to talk about.
You might be living together under the same roof, watching TV with your spouse but in reality the bonding seems to be slipping away. Moreover, even when you are at home together, you prefer to surf the Internet alone or do house chores or talk to your friends instead of talking to each other. Dinner times are worst where the only sound that is heard of is the clatter of spoons against plates.
Eventually the situation becomes like an impasse where you keep wondering that how come we have nothing to talk about now. I can still talk with my friends and bond with them then why not with my spouse. When you meet someone and have so much to talk about that time is never enough, you can never believe that silent treatment phase can come.
So we can conclude that it is good to talk but can it be possible that you have already talked too much that nothing is left now? No, you can never have talked enough already, there is always something to talk about. It’s just that we get so busy in our own lives and become so stressed that the smallest things that we were comfortable sharing before feel like ordinary and we avoid saying. Slowly everything becomes ordinary and we end up talking about nothing.
I started thinking and realized that when two people have separate jobs, separate friends, there is very little that they do together. If you think about it, you spend more time with your colleagues at work than your spouse at home. I don’t say that everyone should start working together, but at least they should start doing the other things together. Go shopping together, have lunch together, go to movies, or just make a routine of having morning coffee together. The main point is to be together and just let the conversation flow no matter how unimportant it feels to you.
Do bear in mind that conversing with your spouse won’t be as easy as conversing with your friends. But you definitely should work towards making your spouse your friend. If you feel there is lack of communication from either end, open up, point it out and let the other person know. Every day is not same and one day’s silence does not mean silence forever.