“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.” – It is a famous line from ‘Forrest Gump’.
It is so true though, we always keep planning things only to encounter the most unplanned incidents in the path.
Today was a day which gave me recall of a long lost part of my life. It took me back to my old school days when I was just a young teenager of 12 years. I had a classmate who was very shy but would always keep looking at me from crooked eyes or try to get involved in things I would do. Let’s call him John for now just to keep things simple in case he comes across this post one day.
John would never speak to me, probably he was too scared. But I knew and in fact the entire class knew about his feelings for me. I was just a kid and never really took boys seriously. For me sports and studies were the things that mattered the most.
Years passed by, we kept graduating from each class but I assumed that his feelings had faded with time. Eventually we left school and moved on to pursue different career paths.
I hadn’t spoken to him since then, when suddenly one day he happened to search me over Facebook and sent me a friend request. He was an old friend and I accepted his request.
We started chatting and that is when I came to know that he never got married. It’s almost 15 years since we left school but his feelings for me never died. He told me, “I fell in love once, and I can never love someone again”. He never told me directly that it was me, but I could sense in his voice.
The entire incident made me think, things that we assume in life are never the same. There are always hidden meanings beneath the words that we say.
I had never felt for him the same way, but after hearing those words, I realized one thing, feelings of the past can never be forgotten if they are true and one will always keep searching for that long lost love.
We read the story of Romeo and Juliet, think about the undying love they had for each other and start feeling that in fact first love is the true love. It might be for some but I personally feel that falling in love at an impressionable age can seriously damage your future love life. My first love was Tom Cruise when I saw him walking out of the aircraft in Top Gun holding his helmet in one hand. Boy! Did he look breathtaking or what, I was literally heads over heels for him but surely that cannot be my true love, right. In fact if I look back into my generation, I don’t think there was any girl who didn’t have a picture of Tom Cruise above her bed or under her pillow. Does that mean that all those girls had Tom Cruise as their true love? Certainly not, I hope!
Whether it was a high school sweetheart, your first real relationship after college, or the first person you said “I love you” to, chances are that you still hold fond memories of that person in your heart somewhere. There is no harm in having memories of the past, but if those memories make a constant appearance in your fantasies then it’s a sign to think again.
We all have at some point of our lives experienced a heart break from our first love and feel that our life is now over. We say to ourselves, “I will never love anyone the way I loved her/him”. We are devastated and we think that life has no meaning without him/her. And then comes along someone else who doesn’t sweep you off the floors, who does not make your heart skip a beat, but someone who cares for you, who understands you and who accepts you for who you are. You share thoughts, words and emotions that are not only sensual but deeply meaningful. That my friends is indeed your true love and you definitely should not lose that person over someone who is now just a fleeting memory of your past.
For me true love is a lifetime of experiences. True love is like a plant, you sow the seeds, put water every day and watch it grow. True love builds over time and has potential to last forever if cared for properly. True love is not about reaching the peak of orgasms, true love is a commitment made forever. It is so special that it fills your heart and explores emotions that directly touch your heart. True love is for lifetime as it brings together your soul, hear and mind. You become friends, lovers and share each and every thought and feeling. True love is sensual, passionate and sexual. The bonding is so deep that you forget who you are but what you have become. It’s a lifetime experience of flirting, talking and eroticism, it is not a one-time thing.
I do not say that first love cannot be true love. Even true love can start out as first love and grow through and survive all the stages of a relationship. The person with whom you get to experience happiness and pain apart from just kissing and sex, is your soul mate and your true love. It could be the first person you set your eyes on but if it is not then do not hold that person in your dreams coz it could spoil your relation with your real true love!
Attraction, Lust, Idolization, Attachment, Bonding, these are the different stages of a relation. But when does true love come into existence? Psychologists have shown it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone. With an irresistible cocktail of chemicals, our brain entices our heart to fall in love.
But some or the other time, our heart asks our brain, “Am I in love?”
I thought this is one question which almost everyone asks themselves. So why not list down answers to this question, “Am I in Love?” – YOU ARE IN LOVE:
- When you can’t stay away from him/her for more than a second and when you have a bad day as soon as you see their face you forget what was wrong and your heart skips a beat when they’re around.
- When you stare at them in class or office, you just cannot take your eyes off them.
- You daydream a lot. If you are in a bus, or in a meeting, or studying, all you can think about is your boyfriend/girlfriend. You also fantasize about them and dream about things you would do together.
- Every time you depart, your heart aches and you miss his/her voice, smile and presence.
- If another guy/girl flirts with you and you proudly say to them, “I have a boyfriend”.
- When you look into your lover’s eyes and you just keep staring, you just know really, deep down that he/she is the one, because you’d do anything in the world to make that person feel happy and special, and couldn’t imagine your life without them.
- When you are lay in their arms, you just you forget about the world and all the worries and pains.
- You feel shy and get nervous in front of them.
- You are never mad even if he/she gets frustrated or shouts at you.
- Even if you see your love every day at work or home, even if they sit right next to you, every time you turn around and you look at this person it feels like you’re seeing him/her for the first time, and that awesome feeling comes over you, and you just feel like the luckiest person in the world.
- You look at that person and you just feel like you can do anything, you feel inspired to be a better person, like you’re the king of the world.
- All the self doubts and issues disappear with just one look.
- Everything you do, you do thinking about that special someone. You sleep every night with his/her thoughts. You wake up and that person comes to your mind. You count the minutes to talk to them and see them. You smile just by thinking about them. All you want to do is be with them even if you are just sitting and not doing anything.
- The fights and disagreements do not make you stop loving them. It only strengthens the bonding.
- When you know that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your whole life with, you won’t have a second glance at another man/woman, you trust them in anything and everything.
- When everything is not about sex.
- When the feeling you have about him/her is unconditional, you just know in your heart that this person is for you – not because they are perfect – coz even their imperfections attract you to them.
- Your strength is their weakness and your weakness is their strength – and so you love complementing each other and making a great time in the race of life!
- You accept them for everything that they are, he/she can walk into the room and everything else disappears, they are always on your mind and in your heart, you can’t imagine being with anyone else and even if separated for long periods of time you are never even remotely tempted to go to someone else.
- You want to share everything that you love with that person and want him or her to share everything that they love with you. They become your world but you become a better individual because of that special person. If separated for long periods of time it’s not “out of sight out of mind” it is ‘ I can’t wait to see him/her again’ and it seems to last forever until you do. It is deep love and long-lasting love and can stand the test of time when nothing else does.
And lastly, if you are asking this question to yourself, you either doubt your feelings, in which case you aren’t truly in love, or you don’t know if the relationship will work out, which is an altogether different question, since being truly in love isn’t enough for a successful relationship, though it’s a good start, especially if by “you” you mean “both of you”.