It was one of the most precious moments of my life when my doctor took him out of my vagina and put him on my tummy. He was the most adorable baby you’ve ever seen and I was just grateful to God that it was mine.
He was amazing, smiling and playing most of the time, adorable during the day but terrible at night. Yes, you guessed it right, he was not a great sleeper. He wanted to nurse all night long and somehow it took the fun out of nursing. I still love it but going without proper sleep for 15 long days would dampen your mood for sure.
So it began some 15 days back when I started doing this all-night party thing with my baby boy and one day I went berserk.
I got up pretty late that day as he kept me awake most of the night, had my breakfast while nursing him and gave him a bath and hoped that he will sleep for couple of hours and I will get some break for myself.
He was very sleepy, I could see in his eyes, but he would just not sleep. The moment I would put him down in his cot, he would start crying, wanting to be held in my arms.
I’m a working mother and it was getting really difficult to manage work and home balance and I just lost it somehow.
I live with my husband’s parents and my mother in law came up to my little one and said, “My poor baby has no one taking care of him since morning, let me take him with me”. I snapped, “Is his mother dead, I’m sitting with him since morning leaving my work and you say no one is taking care of him”.
Just don’t know what happened to me, probably it was frustration of not being able to sleep, or just the fact that in spite of dedicating my whole time to the baby, I just don’t deserve such a statement even if it was a joke.
My mother-in-law was shocked that I said such a thing and I know she was just joking but I was equally shocked that I could say something like this.
She took the baby with her in the other room and put him to sleep after an hour or so, but I was left thinking, “this is just not me, what is wrong with me”.
So, I realized, being a mom is not easy, but there are certain things you can do to not “lose it”.
- Be serious about sleep: Yes, you need to work and take care of house too, but your body needs rest and you need to make it a priority no matter what.
- Be willing to take help: Initially I used to feel stupid and weak for asking help, shouldn’t I be able to calm my own baby down? But if you are a nursing mother then you are doing a lot already, it is ok to let someone else put your baby to sleep or play with him so that you can take some rest.
- Your baby is fine: Just go out for a walk for sometime leaving your baby at home with friends or family, you need to clear your head and get some “me” time so that you can be back happy and charged up to take care of your little bundle of joy.
This was a day when I had actually lost my soul, but since then I have tried to be calm about it and never stopped loving my baby no matter how many nights he kept me awake…
And yes, in process of being a good mother, I have for sure snapped, back-answered and hurt many people’s feelings which I feel awful about but I’m sure I’ll be forgiven for trying to be a Super Mom.