Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

05
Jun

Thou Art the Ruler of the Minds of All People – Dating and Marriage Customs in India

India’s national anthem, Jana Gana Man, translated to English means Thou Art the Ruler of the Minds of All People. To put down in layman language, someone who can rule the minds of people will be victorious.

In India, sadly even after calling us a progressive nation, developing so much in IT and infra, a person himself cannot rule his own mind. Society, rules, customs, ideologies and what not, there are various name labels to how our love life shapes us.

are_dating_apps_changing_the_marriage_game_in_india-hero.jpg__1500x670_q85_crop_subsampling-2

Step 1 Dating:

The first step to a relationship is dating. You can argue that nowadays in the modern India, youngsters get to choose whom they want to date and take it to your parents when you are ready to get married. But is it really true? I feel that this trend consists of only 1% of total Indian population and that too the ones who live in Metro cities.

Predominantly, dating is still the same, your parents arrange dates for you, you meet and talk once and if you are lucky then twice. The surprising part is that you don’t even get to date alone, you are usually accompanied by your sibling, aunts, uncles and even parents. What’s the point of talking alone right now when you would have your whole life to talk later, right!

Step 2: Get Married ASAP, Indian Single Life Sucks!

If you are a boy then sure single life is fun for you but if you are a girl then it’s screwed. If you are 30 – unmarried and working – there’s definitely something wrong with you. General consensus, you are probably too modern, have lot of affairs, drinking openly and partying whole night even if you do none of these. But if you haven’t found a boy to settle down with yet, then you are surely difficult to get along with and thus not a suitable match for the sanskari boys out there who are looking for a virgin wife. I don’t have any statistics to backup my theory but I think India is probably the last in the number of Singles!

Step 3: No Sex Before Marriage

Even though government of India has no issues in couples living together but society has a lot of issues. In March, 2010 by a three judge court (Chief Justice K.G.Balakrishnan,Deepak Verma and B.S.Chauhan) ruled cohabitation legal. “When two adult people want to live together, what is the offence. Does it amount to an offence ? Living together is not an offence, it cannot be an offence. Living together is a fundamental right under Article 21, Constitution of India”. But people in India don’t believe in the legal mumbo-jumbo and if you are having a live-in relationship then it’s a taboo. Story is different in Metro cities but only if your parents are not living in same city. Another interesting fact, many couples don’t even engage in lip lock until their wedding night. I personally feel it’s very important to have sex before marriage, if the sex is not good then your marriage is doomed anyways, so better try before jumping in for the lifetime.

Step 4: Engagement

Now everyone fancies a romantic setting when the boy bends down on 1 knee and proposes to the girl. Girl says yes, he slips the ring in her finger and Vola they are engaged.

In India, it’s different, engagement is not just about the couple, its about celebration. When parents have agreed, a big ceremony takes places and 100’s and sometimes 1000’s of people are invited to watch the couple put ring on each other’s hands. A grand meal follows because no ceremony is complete without yummy treats. And how can I forget the grand display of gifts which are not just for to-be bride and groom, they are to be given to the entire family because well families are also getting engaged. If the gift is gold and cash then better, no one really cares about dinner sets these days.

It’s lot more fun to get engaged if you are in South India, here it’s not important for the bride and groom to be present in their own engagement, its more like a commitment between families so why would you be needed anyways.

Step 5: The Wedding

Now undoubtedly this is the biggest event in any family in India. Depending on how much money you have, scale of celebration increases. Indian weddings are huge events, I personally hate attending weddings but then if you live in India, you just cannot avoid them (India is 2nd highest populated country in the world, imagine how many weddings must be happening each day).

So, back to celebrations, weddings are noisy, colorful, drama oriented, full of 100’s of ceremonies/rituals that I’m sure most of the bride and grooms don’t understand the meaning of. Weddings usually last 7-8 days with each day having some or the other function featuring music, grand feast for the guests, bangals clicking, ghaghras fluttering and shining jewelry. The best is when the Groom arrives sitting on a horse, I just love that part in a wedding….

So in western countries they prefer to have just 1 day of wedding, you say “I Do”, dance, eat and run off to honeymoon. But in India, even though it’s a poor country, people need to have elaborate weddings because well society needs it. Honeymoon is not important, but wedding rituals should be done completely.

Step 6: Moving In – Oh, Not with the Husband but with his Family

In India, it is customary for a girl to leave her parents and live with her husband’s parents. But for a boy to leave his parents is unacceptable as boys are supposed to take care of them. If the husband happens to work in another city then he will surely have a place of his own but out of question if you are in same city. So once you are married, you cannot expect to get a privacy that you probably need especially in an arranged marriage. Make sure sex is hush-hush without a lot of sound, you never know in-laws could be hearing from other side of the wall.

Step 7: Mother-In-Law

In India mother is considered the most important, most sacrificing and one of the noblest person in the entire world. So undoubtedly she holds the highest authority in the family. So when a new member of the family comes in to live, her authority can waiver and thus, she holds full control of the son to make sure that he doesn’t love the wife more than the mother. Of course it is not true always, but it holds in almost 60-70% of the marriages.

And that’s how even though you are born alone, you die alone, but you don’t live alone. Society and family make sure you don’t use your brains and go by the rules they were made to follow when they were your age.

16
Jul

Smart Men – Dumb Women, Smart Women – Smart Men!

If you have watched the American Sitcom, “Big Bang Theory”, then you probably can imagine how tough it is for smart guys to find a girl. If I were to think and look around, the general theory would be that “smart men” end up dating “dumb girls” and “smart women” usually hook up with “smart men”. 

Many of you reading the article might beg to differ and think that we shouldn’t really base some discriminating theory like this as per the sex of the individual. I mean who is to say and judge the intellectuality of a person. So, how do we really decide whether we are intelligent or we are just too self-obsessed to think we are?

If I were to assume that there are equal men and women on earth and if both of them are supposed to date people who are within their IQ range, then there would need to be a balance between the outcomes of IQ of men and women. But unfortunately it is not so and this discrepancy has created a large pool of dumb available guys and smart available women.

We live in an economic world, a world that rewards us for our intelligence. Look around you, in companies, in homes, anywhere, and you will find more intelligent people to have an advantage over those who are not. Majority of the professions need you to be brainy in order to earn a decent living unless you are a stripper.

So, it is only fair to say that intelligent people get to take a call on their relationship as well. They can exit a dating relation or end up marrying someone who is compatible with their career growth.

This brings another angle to the entire discussion; probably dumb women have a higher incentive of trying harder to find smart men to date. They are not financially rewarded for their work in school, or they are not working long hours and do have a leisure time to hunt down smart men and benefit financially from this hookup. So, maybe it’s the dumb women trying to lure smart men into dating them and as they seem like an easy catch, smart men prefer to go ahead with it without spending a lot of time on hunting down smart women.

Although, we cannot rule out sex as an angle here, which can also be one big deciding factor on who ends up with whom. To me it seems that a relation mostly is guided by your mating preferences. Women feel inappropriate to sleep with men of less intelligence as their own and men on the other hand probably would go for just about anybody with a hot body. Honestly, have you ever seen a guy having regret of sleeping with a dumb hot girl?

My personal opinion about dating and settling down is to just have compatibility. Smartness, intelligence and looks are all deceptive terms without any definite lines, as long as both the partners are able to meet the needs of each other, it doesn’t matter who is smart and who is dumb. And don’t people say that marrying is the stupidest act you can do, so probably all of us who marry are dumb, so we are really no one to judge, right!

01
Dec

Are You Dating Your Smartphone?

Today I bumped into an old friend and we decided to have dinner at a newly opened classy Italian restaurant. It was a good place to sit and catch up. While we were sitting and talking about the good old times, I happened to glance at the couple sitting next to our table. They both were busy with their smartphones texting, facebooking and tweeting. When me and my friend were done with the dinner and were paying our bill, I noticed that the couple still had their head bent down and were glaring at their blue mobile screen while their hands were busy texting, facebooking and tweeting. They were not having any conversation, no eye contact and no smiles, just endless phone conversations with million other people with whom they were connected within the cyber world. What could have turned into a romantic date between two people had become a date of an individual with his smartphone.

Now, I do not deny the fact that I’m literally addicted to my smartphone. Being a Digital Junkie, I’m always connected via emails and messengers. I’m constantly replying to emails and chatting with clients and colleagues. My work is always on and does not stop even when I’m on the roads. But I always try to not let my phone distract me when I’m out with friends or family (Although on occasions I have been blamed for being non attentive to conversations and being busy with work on phone). Still in my opinion being always on the phone while on a date is simply rude, it’s better if you do not even go on a date if you plan to spend it having conversation with your smartphone instead of the date.

But when I saw that couple in the restaurant, a thought struck me. Technology has advanced to great levels which were not even imaginable few years ago but it has made us less focused on each other and more focused on what is happening everywhere else. Being engrossed in technology all the time has really changed the way we communicate these days. Instead of phone conversations, we text, we email, we tweet, but picking up the phone and dialing the numbers is just too cumbersome for us. Everything is becoming automated, less emotional and less personal. Now with the SIRI, I can only imagine how impersonal we will get, we will just rely on the phone to do things for us.

A date is a time of bonding for two people to know each other and spend time with someone you really care about. In fact a successful date is a milestone in deciding whether that person will be your soul mate or not. Now think about it, if you end up dating your smartphone instead, how you will know the person and if that person is perfect for you, you might even miss the opportunity of knowing him/her.

Many times I have been out with people I care about and I end up talking to my smartphone and I have duly being scolded for it. Be with people who are sitting with you and pay attention to them, period. Your smartphone maybe very smart but it is not smart enough to live life with forever.

21
May

Confusing Act of Dating

Going on a first date is always confusing as you never know how the evening turns out to be. But I have seen many people and heard many cases when people who have been going on date for several months with the same person are also confused. To my surprise, usually the confused partner is the female.

What is it about dating that confuses us?

Is he the right person? Am I not wasting my time? Are we compatible enough? The best part about dating is that there are no strings attached, but sometimes this best part makes the act of dating all the more complicated. You always stay confused and keep wondering where the hell is this relation going. Until you end up marrying or breaking up, you will always keep having dilemma about the other person and would keep thinking constantly, what if there are better options waiting for me. Sometimes in this entire act, you start feeling bad and guilty. Moreover, if you have actually been going on for over a month, then you wonder whether he will ask me to marry him, will he dump me, shall i dump him, what if I end up being single if I dump him and what not.

What should we do?

It is very normal to find yourself torn and of two minds when you are dating. As dating is a stage when none of the person is deeply involved or committed, it is very normal to be confused as to where things are headed. When the relation has gone in the viscous circle of dating for a long time and if you wish to end it for whatever reason, it is possible that you have two minds at the same time:

  1. You have started having feelings of care or maybe love for the other person and you don’t wish to hurt him/her.
  2. You really wish to leave as you cannot tolerate the relation anymore.

It is very normal to have both the mindsets. You wish to stop dating that person as things are just not working out anymore but you are even sad as you care for the person as well. I suggest the best way is to talk to your friends who are close to you and take their advice. Almost all  of us at some point or the other faced a similar situation and personal experiences of others can really help you see through and evaluate.

Have you got a confusing story about dating? Share it with us. Thanks.