Archive for September, 2014

29
Sep

Are Modern Women Too Independent?

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Apparently, we women have some a serious problem. We have something in ourselves that we are not able to sustain a relationship for long. I know, I’m shocked too at this revelation, but unfortunately its true.

Last week I happened to meet a very old friend of mine. She was very successful in her career, recently working at some senior management position, but still wasn’t happy. Her 1.5-year-old marriage, which finally had taken place after 10 years of courtship, was in trouble.

When she confronted her husband to understand what had changed, he said, “you are too-independent” you don’t need a man.

In order to give a second shot at her sinking marriage, she decided to take a break from work and try to be an ideal housewife. She barely survived 2 months and went back to work. Her long work hours, an independent lifestyle of 10+ years and a strong liberated women-oriented attitude couldn’t let her stay at home. She was so used to doing all the things herself that even small tasks like fixing a bulb, which usually husband’s boast about doing, she would do it.

Eventually her husband started feeling left out and started getting closer to his ex-girlfriend who was clingy and always needy. She made him feel like a knight.

I remember my mother always saying, women are born delicate and weak and they need a man in their life to take care of them. I didn’t realize it then why she said it this way. I started earning in my mid-twenties, started living alone by myself, earned a decent amount of money and had good friends. In all, I was happy and healthy I didn’t need a man in my life until I met my life partner. We dated for 2 years till we finally decided to tie the knot. The day I said, “I do”, I realized, I didn’t need a man in my life to take care of me, I need a man to love me and make me complete.

My mother was right to a certain extend but her theory changes slightly with modern women.

I called my friend the other day, I told her what my mother told me but with a twist, “dear, you might not need a man but your man needs you. Make him feel that you are not complete without him and no matter how much money you earn, how many friends you make or how competent you are in changing bulbs, he will always be the one whom you would love.”

A relationship should never be based on needs. If a bulb is broken, you can call the repairman to fix it, but if your heart is broken, you would always call the person you love!

09
Sep

Does Every Modern Marriage Need a Breathing Space?

Divorce rates are increasing day by day. It’s sad but true that people can so quickly walk out of one of the most sacred relationship whose foundation is guided by vows of togetherness taken in front of the almighty.

I’m not against divorce per say, if two people are not compatible, it is better to break apart and live individual peaceful lives instead of suffering the unsaid everyday. But what is saddening is that in many cases it happens due to interference from the parents especially if you end up living in a joint family with in-laws.

I got married 2 years back. After living alone for almost 10 years, I had an immense craving to live with family, be close to parents. When I met my life partner, I was very clear in my mind that we would live with his parents after marriage. I assumed that I have lived with mine for so many years, how hard could it be to live with his. I guess I was wrong.

A lot of things change once you get married and you need to make a lot of adjustments, but to be honest deep within I didn’t realize what I was asking for. Starting from what time you get up to what time you sleep, everything is scrutinized. You come from a house that is your own to a house that is owned by another woman since 30 years (that’s my hubby’s age when he got married).  No one is going to change for you, so you need to adapt to the routine that is already set in the new house. Personally I’m a very adjusting person, I don’t complain much as long as nobody interferes in my thinking. But I’m not the old generation girl who is taught to always compromise no matter what. I left my home for the first time to go to USA for higher studies. Since then I have been living independently financially and physically. For me to make compromises is not easy.

Initially everything was going good, I guess being a newcomer everybody made an attempt to welcome me in their lives. Soon, when I did not turn out to be the typical daughter-in-law that I was expected to be, things started to turn bad. Taunts, arguments, bickering, became an everyday affair. I don’t blame anyone for this, it is a generation gap which cannot close. This makes me wonder, is it really important to live with your parents in this era?

I’m not talking about ailing parents who are sick and need support, I’m talking about parents who are well-off and capable to take care of themselves but still cling on to their kids for attachment and insecurity. Even the kids are so accustomed to living with them that they don’t want to take a big plunge and leave the safety nest.

I don’t regret my decision of marrying in a joint family, I’m still adjusting and trying to make things work, but once in a while a time comes when you feel you just cannot take it anymore. It makes you feel that was it worth it? Wouldn’t life be easier if his parents happily let us move out and have our own space? They are not bad at all in fact they have always tried to support me so that I can do my office work, but it’s just the generation gap which doesn’t let me or them bend and come in the middle.

Today’s generation calls for a breathing space in marriage where a couple can connect in peace. This is not to disrespect the parents, but it is for them to value you more and vice versa. When you meet your parents once in a while, you value them a lot as opposed to everyday fight that happens when you live together.

Last but not the least, living alone also has a big advantage, it helps you get your sex life back when you can be innovative and have sex in every corner of the house when you are living independently.