if ( is_singular() ) wp_enqueue_script( ‘comment-reply’ ); June 2012 Archives » Confused Forever

Archive for June, 2012

22
Jun

Turning 30, Single and A ………. Woman!

Many people have talked about being 30, feeling old and how miserable that feeling is. After all, you would be three decades old, that’s sounds like a lot.

So, yes it can be a dreadful thought of entering into your midlife zone, even though I haven’t been there yet, I can feel what people turning into 30 might feel. But be cheerful, not everyone is as fortunate enough to make it so far, so you have some thinking to do, maybe God wanted more out of you and thus, you are still breathing. 

Turning 30 is not so bad, but here comes the bad part – Turning 30 and being Single. Now wait for it, here comes the worst part – Turning 30, being Single and a Woman. Now that’s a bummer, coz once you are 30 and you are a female, you might not feel that old but people around you, your friends, family, and the so-called society will diligently take the responsibility of making you realize everyday that you are now too old and are not eligible to have a decent boyfriend leave aside marriage.

Like the good old saying goes, “All good men are either taken or gay!”, so good luck trying to find a husband now that you have turned into a 30 year old maid.

“Seriously, what do these people think?” – A friend of mine shared her agony with me yesterday over a cup of coffee. “Am I single by choice or what, of course I want to settle down with someone I can share the rest of my life with, but finding that someone has been impossible so far”.

This got me thinking. Why is it so difficult to find someone whom we can love forever? Is it true that good men no longer exist for 30 year old females? It would have been easy to find someone when you are 20 year old, when all you care about is the packaging and anyone with a charming face and good physique would be good enough to take your heart away. But when you grow older, you mature and good looks don’t matter. You need someone who can make you laugh, who can make you feel special, who can understand you even when you throw tantrums, who is compassionate and who is in my opinion a complete man and not a school kid.

It’s not that my friend has been too picky or has been rejecting guys left and right, it’s just that she has not yet found THE ONE. When I asked her how you feel about your situation, she just shrugged casually and said, “I’m successful right now and have a bright career, although it would be nice to have someone to cuddle in the night but I’m still contended and happy with what I have achieved in these 30 years”. I was impressed and happy for how confident she was about her life which is something that most of us fail to do. We become so obsessed with what society thinks about us that we forget what is it that we really want.

When you are 30, you have probably seen it all and for you personally settling down would have a lot many criteria than just getting married and having kids. I just said one thing to my friend, get married only if you want to and don’t get married because the culture or the society wants you to. Just be patient and have faith and everything should work out just fine.

Cheers to Being 30!

18
Jun

Does He Truly Miss You?

Last week I met a long lost friend and was surprised that she was going back and forth for almost 1 year now after her relationship ended with her boyfriend. Since they broke up, surprisingly he has been saying “I’m missing you a lot”, “I can’t forget the times we have spent together”, “I can’t believe we are not together anymore”, “I MISS YOU!”. When she told me that he has been saying such things, I was confused, if he is missing her so much, what is preventing them from being together, especially when he was the one who broke up. It’s not that they didn’t try getting back together, every time he made a claim that “he can’t live without her”, she melted and went back to him. But it lasted for few weeks till he started making commitments which he couldn’t fulfill including marriage, kids, etc.

This entire story made me really confused and I started thinking, “how much can someone truly miss you or want you back?” 

What exactly does missing someone mean and why is it that people are unable to bridge the gap between missing and getting back together? It is easy to say “I love you” and “I miss you”, but what is it that prevents us from taking a step closer and start the relationship again.

According to me, missing someone actually is recognition of the fact that someone is absent from your life, be it temporarily such as going away on a trip or the loss of someone after a breakup.

When someone is missing you, it can also be an expression of sadness or regret because they no longer get to enjoy you in their lives, whether it is by their choice or yours. They may think fondly of you and wish that they had another chance, but let’s be real, it will not be about getting back together mutually, and it will be more about missing the things that helped them enjoy you on their terms.

Now it is understandable when you are miles apart due to work or family and you say you miss each other but also respecting the fact that why you are apart. But it is simply beyond my comprehension that how much two people can miss each other, when they are in same town, maybe even working together and there is no real obstacle keeping them apart, other than themselves?

It is beyond my imagination that why people keep saying I miss you even though they know that being apart is the right thing to do. Saying I miss you to someone with whom you really do not want to be together even prevents you from honoring your emotional commitment somewhere else. Or maybe people are too mean and they want to keep their Ex as backup in case their current relation doesn’t work out. Keep saying “I miss you”, so that the other person has a lamp of hope always lighting and some feelings for you so that when you have really messed up with everyone else, you can go back to your ex knowing that he/she will be there waiting for you.

Saying “I Miss You” in my opinion is a vague expression of sadness and regret, but it’s not really saying anything concrete and it is not any commitment. Seriously I personally fail to understand what goes on in minds of people who have moved on or broken up themselves, even started dating someone else and still have the audacity to go and say to your ex – “I Miss You”, you are not committing yourself but yet want to keep a foothold in their life.

The worst part is when you are again dumped coz you were too weak and you melted with the “I Miss You”. You shout and say, “But you said you missed me! How could you do this”, after building your hopes up and possibly even dropping your underwear.

And very conveniently they will say, “yes I said I miss you, but I miss being with you, but nothing has changed……….”. After a pause they will say, “I never said we were getting back together”…..and bang, like a big blow on your head, everything seems bleak and you are ashamed of yourself of being fooled once again.

Brings me back to the earlier point, missing someone does not mean they want you back. If they truly wanted you back, you would have felt it on your own. The sincerity in someone’s eyes can speak a lot more than the cute words said to blindfold you.

Maybe they are too convenient with your presence in their lives and don’t want their lives to change and that is why they miss you. Sometimes they even say this out of guilt to pacify you and console you for breaking up.

It’s not wrong to miss someone like this, but to keep their hopes and fake dreams alive is wrong. Some people like to keep missing their ex, they will be like, “Poor me, I’m helpless without you” and thus, they feel it is all right to disrupt your life.

If someone is missing you but not adopting a solid and consistent action plan that takes them from missing you stage to being with you stage then it’s time to make them realize that you no longer care. They can keep missing as much as they want from a distance while you comfortably move on with your life. Trust me no life is worth wasting on someone who doesn’t have the guts to be with you against all odds and keeps saying worthless words which they don’t even mean.